Loving YOU is not EASY

ANNOUNCEMENT: You are so complicated that you have a hard time loving yourself. Why do you expect others to love you unconditionally?

It has become an over exercised entitlement that we expect others to excuse the complexities of being in relationship with us. In life and love, we exert the right to have flaws, to grow and change, and react when our emotions are  triggered. What we fail to do is consider and compensate for the effect that our freedom of self exploration has on those that have the courage to try to learn us and love us. Yes, it is indeed our right to be. However, it is our responsibility to mitigate and compensate for how our “being” is perceived by those we desire to be in business, relationship and partnership with.

RIGHT: You have flaws.                                  
RESPONSIBILITY: Manage the impact your flaws have on the people who dare to embrace your defects. Being human is not an excuse from the consequences of your imperfections and weakness.
REACTION: Take action to recognize how your weaknesses force others to over perform or wound them into retreat. Be intentional about time of reflecting on how others’ behaviors compliment or contradict yours. Be direct. Confront self before others.

Emotions are not just for others, pay attention.

RIGHT: Growth brings change.
RESPONSIBILITY: Identify areas of growth as opportunities for anxiety and stress to impede the progress of relationships. Your change is yours alone and may cause a disruption in your “people-awareness”.
REACTION: Stay connected by checking the climate of change and tolerance of change. If everyone is left behind, your morphing may be a sign of a needed realignment of interpersonal values.

RIGHT: Experience emotions fully.
RESPONSIBILITY: Recognize emotions as key indicators of internalized data. Since they are completely subjective, emotions can be misinterpreted by others who do not share the history, perspective, or coping strategies that may intensify the experienced emotion.
REACTION: Do not allow emotions to rule and lead when relating to others. Practice engaging at different levels of emotionality through using “I” statements. Example: “I feel suspicious (anxious) when I don’t get a response to my text messages. My mind goes to the worst case scenario (fear-based) and I can’t help but think I am being ignored (negative self-talk).” This will help to preview the foundation of the emotion and help to counteract.

Those who are trying to love you, have to battle these RIGHTS often without understanding the fight. Through opening an honest discourse of how our lives intercept and giving others permission to react based on information communicated rather than inferred, we open ourselves to establish meaningful, responsible connections. Be careful not to over-estimate your value or level of “need” in any given relationship. Often people who go through the trouble of knowing you past the falling in love or love by entitlement (family), only “need” you to the level that they value their own self-worth, peaceful resolution, and desired outcomes.

                   
       In essence, when loving you is hurting me, you are no longer necessary.

                                              LOVING you is not EASY!

                                                               
                                                     Tawanda Scales, MMFT
                                                         Certified Life Coach
                                                     Tawanda@mochachat.club
                                                              (770) 240-0161